I did a blog survey a couple of weeks ago for all my lovely readers and I got an overwhelming response to have some more personal posts. Actually I was going to write this post even if you didn’t want to read more personal blog posts, ha!
For as long as I can remember, I’ve been a perfectionist. For my life to feel like it’s in order, I need everything to be “perfect”. I mean, really, what is perfect? Nothing! So why do I feel this way at times?
I know for sure that I used it as a coping mechanism when my life started to feel out of control. I also used it as a way to get attention from my family. Without going into too many details about my past, I will say that I felt I wasn’t getting any attention. It might be because I’m adopted and felt different from my adopted family or it could be from the other struggles my family went through. Whatever the case, I always thought that if I could just be a little more perfect, I would get noticed for my hard work.
I used to always keep my room clean, would redecorate areas of the house, wash the dishes, organize my mother’s kitchen cupboards, and had been known at times to just spontaneously mow the lawn because it hadn’t been done in ages. To say the least, I’m a hard worker!
But you know what? It didn’t get me any extra attention. In fact, if I didn’t do something, that’s when it was noticed.
The same thing happened throughout school. I was a straight A student and it was only noticed when I didn’t get an A.
When I went on job interviews and I was asked what are my strengths and weaknesses I would always answer the same. Being a perfectionist. It’s both a strength and a weakness! Luckily, with my job as a medial office assistant for busy surgeons and specialists, being detailed oriented was extremely important so I used it to my benefit. But I would completely tire myself out. I pushed myself at work, I pushed myself at the gym and when I got home I was completely exhausted.
Having children was the best thing that happened to me for so many different reasons and the main one was letting go of my perfectionism. My first child was a colicky-never-slept-cried-all-the-time-and-never-wanted-to-be-put-down kind of child. He’s still our ‘spirited’ child (that’s a very nice way of saying difficult) but I wouldn’t change it. He’s an amazing 4 1/2 year old, full of energy and imagination and love. He’s such a social butterfly in part to me always taking him out to mom and baby groups as young as eight weeks old so mommy wouldn’t go cuckoo being at home all day with a screaming child.
I let go of tons when I had him. I still battle perfectionism but I’ve gotten much better with having people over if my house is a mess, if I haven’t cooked a meal from scratch for company, not always going to the gym every day. I also let go of all of the pettiness. Having children really puts life into perspective fast. I no longer had time to deal with drama in my life. I had a difficult baby who needed me all the time and that was way more important than anything else.
I also feel that sometimes having a blog is difficult. I want everything to be perfect. But I have to accept that there’s no such thing nor do I want to portray myself as perfect. So when I show you photos of my house in perfect condition, please know it’s not like that 24/7. Just remember that my son is running around trying to get in every shot and my daughter is crying wanting to be picked up and if I took a shot 2 feet over you would see disaster! Because that’s just life.
I think it’s important to have at least a couple of rooms in the house relatively put together for the eye to look at and not feel stressed over. But my kitchen, bathroom, and bedrooms are always in chaos. Also my laundry room and play room. Okay every single room except my living room, haha.
The busiest, demanding, and most rewarding job is being a mother. I don’t mind seeing toys strewn about and little socks lying on the floor. One day that won’t be the case. We have to realize that everyone’s house is a disaster at any given point of the day (or all day) but we can strive to make some rooms pretty so we don’t feel completely lost in the clutter and chaos of life.
And the relationships in our lives are what’s most important. More important than any clean or messy house.
Realizing this is a problem of mine is half the battle. I will NOT let it take over my life. Sometimes you just have to let some things go.
Thank you for listening to my rant.
Be sure to check out…
Mommy Worries – Battling Post-Partum Depression
I wish I was one when it came to cleaning or working out but with a 4 1/2 year old and a 12 day old baby, life is anything but perfection. I’m trying to take advantage of the nesting that came with my pregnancy to organize and declutter my house. Then it becomes easier to clean, making me more likely to dust the unused shelves or sweep more often because junk, toys, and random remodel tools aren’t in the way. Good luck with everything, I think it’s just a part of life now,.. We see perfection everywhere but don’t always realize its just a picture or two.
Thanks for your comment, Megan . I should add that I was crazy cleaning and crazy working-out BEFORE babies LOL. I love decluttering too, makes life easier for the day to day routine. It’s definitely a tough adjustment but well worth it 😉
Hugs,
Jamie
I too am a perfectionist but I usually call myself a recovering perfectionist to remind myself that everyday I need to find ways to let go of the need to push for something unattainable. It’s hard because this sneaky tendancy creeps into crevaces like dust bunnies under the couch. In my case life has repeatedly been teaching me that perfection just can’t buy me the things we want. Infertility was a big lesson in that- no matter how exact I was in timing, pill taking, shot taking, IVF form filling out, etc my perfect attention to the details of infertility treatment would not grant me a baby. Now I’m a foster mom (my home inspection was the most complete and perfect the inspector at our agency had ever seen) and I’m having to learn to let go. I’ve had complete strangers show up and spend hours in my house helping the kids and checking on how we’re doing when my house is a complete mess, I haven’t had a shower or sleep, I barely had time to put on a bra, and I’m trying to make a meal for hungry screaming kids when I should have been to the store 2 days before- while the strangers are looking on. Thankfully those most imperfect days happen mostly in the first settling in time of a new placement but it’s a lesson in letting go of the need to be perfect.
Abby, my heart goes out to you. That would be very difficult for a ‘recovering’ perfectionist. I love how you put that. I think being a new mom is hard no matter what, I can’t imagine what it would be like having someone looking on. But if it’s any consolation, I always felt like I was maybe being looked down upon by the more experienced moms so I think every new mom might feel a bit like that…although I know not to your extent. I love how forthcoming and honest you are, Abby. Thanks for your sweet comment!
Hugs,
Jamie
SUCH a beautiful post! I know what you mean, I can be the same way. I finally decided a month ago, that things just don’t have to be perfect. If something doesn’t get done on time, oh well. And shockingly, after I decided to go with this mantra, things actually did get done on time and worked out better than before. Crazy! Love ya, girl!
Amazing how that happens! I’ve done that too but not enough. The world will not end!
Luv ya,
J.xo
I can definitely relate! I am always telling my mom that it’s not fair that I’m a perfectionist and yet I can never get anything perfect! I would think it would be the opposite, haha. I have always been a really hard worker and never really thought it was the perfectionist in me, but that does make sense. I will also say that having a blog, and a DIY one at that, has been difficult at times and my to do list is never ending. I think I have gotten better at letting some things go “for now” and feeling like they are good enough until I have more time to work on them later on – such as my site design. It is difficult though and boy am I in for a reality check once we have kids, haha. Thanks for sharing!
~Katie @ Upcycled Treasures
I feel the same, Katie! And yes, kids will totally throw you for a loop. Having a DIY blog is sooo hard with our never-ending to do list. If it makes you feel any better, I think your blog is amaze balls and you’re a gem!
Hugs,
Jamie
Such a great post. I agree that having the blog can really magnify the perfectionist… but I just remember that anything is better than nothing and paralysis is my enemy! Just go for it, if you don’t like it, change it, and remember that this is a journey! And a journey to enjoy!
Great tips, my friend!! Thanks for your sweet comment 😉
Hugs,
Jamie
Perfectionists unite! You’re so right about it being both a strength and a weakness…and I am bracing myself for the day we have kids of our own. I’m sure it will challenge me and my perfectionism, but I’m looking forward to that. I know growing can be tough, but it’s what I want. I’ve seen how perfectionism has crippled me and caused me a lot of sleepless nights. And I’m not satisfied to just settle for that, ya know? I’m a rough draft, ready for the next round of edits. Love you, Jamie.
Perfectionism……I struggled with it too.
(Until) I was in college in a Philosophy class and this statement that the professor made has stayed with me for YEARS.
“You will never attain being perfect…….as everyone’s definition of perfect is different.
I had to make a concerted effort to just live my life ad throw the concept of being perfect for parents, family, friends out the door. I am so much more at peace and calm now just trying to be myself.
Thank you for that quote. It’s so true. Now that my kids are a bit older, I’ve gotten better at letting go of a lot of stuff but there’s always sometimes the trying to be perfect pops up. Thanks again!
Hugs, Jamie
I so could relate to this post. Be a perfectionist in Graphic Art school about drove me crazy…
Oh that would be the worst!