How to Boost Your Self-Confidence
I’m so hard on myself.
Does this describe you?
I know this about myself and so do the people close to me. I’ve dealt with low self-esteem for most of my life. I know the reasons why but it can be extremely hard to change. Most of the time, it’s a shift that needs to take place in your mind.
When I took these photos recently of me holding my book, I didn’t like them. First, they weren’t ‘professional’ and second, I wasn’t at my ideal weight. I had gained weight while writing the book (late night editing + snacks – no exercise = weight gain) and I’ve always been so hard on myself with keeping at a certain weight. Over the past couple of years, Aaron has taught me that he loves me no matter what and that I should love myself too! Although I’m getting back to being healthier, I’m trying to not worry so much about my weight/size and just be happy with myself right now. Which is so hard to do!!
So I’m forcing myself just to share the photos and that’s it. It’s just me as I am right now holding my book!
One of the ways I have dealt with my low self-esteem from a very young age was work. I realized quickly that by doing work and helping out around the house, I would get more attention. From there it grew into becoming Martha Stewart as a wife and being an awesome employee. Being a hard worker was my super power. But you can only imagine that constantly working hard will eventually wear a person out. As soon as I start to slow down, people around me wonder what’s wrong. It’s an exhausting pace to keep up with, people!
This can be the hamster wheel of our thoughts:
If only x would happen, then I’d be happy.
If only I get so many followers, then I’ll feel better about myself.
If only I had a bigger house, I’d feel better about myself.
If only I could be a certain weight, I’d feel better about myself.
If only I got a book deal, I’d feel better about myself.
Well, I am pretty happy about that last one, but it’s not BECAUSE of the book that I’m happier. If it was just that one thing that could make me happy, then I wouldn’t need to write this post after my book was done. Really it’s a number of factors for boosting your self-confidence and it all starts with love for yourself.
Love and getting rid of the negative self-talk.
Whenever a mean thought starts to happen like ‘Jamie, you idiot!’ I try to change my thinking to ‘well, that was a total flop, at least you tried. It could always be worse’. I’m mostly hard on myself but I can see that when my negative self-talk is at its peak then I can start getting mad at the people I love too. I can see now how this negative self-talk can have a ripple effect.
I am so proud of all of my hard work and this summer I’ve been slowing down my pace (just a bit) to savour the fun times with my kids and let my body rest. Previously, as soon as I finished a project or hit a milestone, I would just move on to the next one not relishing a bit more in the moment.
It’s a learning process and definitely an ongoing one for me but I’m already miles ahead from where I was even just one year ago.
Do you struggle with this too? Share in the comments below.
#IAmSoMuchBetterWithAge
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Michele (Finch Rest) says
August 8, 2018 at 11:02 amDear Jamie,
I look at your pictures and pray I could ever look as beautiful as you do in those shots. You’re perfect – funny how you don’t feel that way because you should!
Just wanted to tell you that……to us, your main body of regular readers, you truly are remarkable in every way, shape and form.
I found a neat quote the other day on a tee shirt:
I may not be perfect, but Jesus thinks I’m to die for.
Kinda puts things into perspective, doesn’t it?
♥
Lauren Drake says
August 8, 2018 at 11:36 amMichelle,
Loved your words of encouragement and your wonderful tee shirt message! It really does say it all!!
Jamie says
August 8, 2018 at 3:18 pmI love that T-shirt message too, Lauren!
Hugs, Jamie
Jamie says
August 8, 2018 at 3:17 pmMichele,
That is the sweetest comment, thank you! I’m learning to be kinder to myself every day. And I LOVE that T-shirt! Amazing. Thank you.
Hugs, Jamie
Sandy says
August 8, 2018 at 11:21 amJamie,I too am hard on myself,and by the way I totally agree with the comment above from Michelle. So hold your head high and know you are loved, just look at your smile and let the love show forth to others as you do so well, hugs, Sandy
Jamie says
August 8, 2018 at 3:19 pmThank you, Sandy. Such a great sentiment! I’m so glad you shared and let’s stop being so hard on ourselves.
Hugs, Jamie
Sarah says
August 8, 2018 at 11:29 amThis is just what I needed right now. Thanks, Jamie!
Jamie says
August 8, 2018 at 3:20 pmOh I’m so glad this helped you, Sarah!
Hugs, Jamie
Monica says
August 8, 2018 at 11:36 amI too have struggled with this at times and realize that a lot of people feel like this at some point or another. I read a book that helped me turn things around though. It’s by Shad Helmstetter- called What to Say When you Talk to Yourself. I highly recommend this book as it has helped me and so many others.
Thank you for putting yourself out there so I can learn and grow.
Jamie says
August 8, 2018 at 3:22 pmI’m ordering that book right now, Monica. Thank you for the recommendation!
Hugs, Jamie
Susan says
August 8, 2018 at 11:41 amHi Jamie, I found you through the Vancouver Sun article, and I’m so glad I did. I too, struggle from time to time with low self esteem after losing my hearing when I was 13 from meningitis. Although my life has been fantastic, there are times when this impairment gets the better of me. My outlet, like yours, is working with my hands and creating, growing, cooking and DIY’ing. Very looking forward to reading more from you!
Jamie says
August 8, 2018 at 3:23 pmSusan, I’m so glad you found me through the newspaper article! I’m sorry for your struggles but so happy that you are using your gifts as an outlet! Bravo! Thanks so much for sharing.
Hugs, Jamie
Vanessa says
August 8, 2018 at 11:59 amI struggle with work (and serving others) as a way to earn love and feel better about myself to! I am bad at relaxing– some of these things I inherited from parents too. Your new book is wonderful, your home is beautiful and so are you!
Jamie says
August 8, 2018 at 3:24 pmAww, thank you so much, Vanessa! Can I be happy that we are similar? haha It’s always such a struggle but I’m so glad to have such good friends like you surrounding me.
Big hugs,
Jamie
Marlene Stephenson says
August 8, 2018 at 12:42 pmYou are beautiful, cause it’s not how we look that makes us pretty but who we are inside, some people look good on the outside then open their mouths and you just cringe! You have a beautiful smile. I am a Christian, and i don’t believe i am pretty by myself but, the love of God that shines thru me.
Jamie says
August 8, 2018 at 3:25 pmThank you for the beautiful comment, Marlene! It’s so true, beauty comes from within. There are some people that at first glance may not be a knock out but once you see their heart, they are gorgeous.
Big hugs,
Jamie
Bonnie says
August 8, 2018 at 12:42 pmI’m older and yes, wiser now and as I read your note and see others I follow on Instagram who have shared their insecurities, I’m reminded that I too felt like that. In some ways I think it’s youth. Each birthday I was in a bad mood, for what I felt like I hadn’t done yet in my life. At age 50 I put an end to that game but still see birthdays as benchmarks, but for creating the vision of what I want the next year to look like. It’s been liberating.
I see my daughter have such poor views of herself and I see a beautiful, talented accomplished girl. Do we only see what we are not instead of what we are. What has not been achieved instead of what we’ve mastered. Is that motivation to keep going? It’s like we become a bucket with a hole in it. No matter how much is poured in, it just leaks out the other end. Never full.
Self awareness is the beginning of change. I hope all you young talented, accomplished, beautiful women like yourself can begin to let go and own how great you really are.
Jamie says
August 8, 2018 at 3:27 pmThanks for your comment, Bonnie! I agree that with youth it can be very hard to feel good. I’m 42 and have gone through so much in my life that has led me to my low self esteem but I’m making sure to try not to waste anymore time with negative thinking! Thank you for your advice!
Hugs, Jamie
Tonya Schoepf says
August 8, 2018 at 12:45 pmSo glad your able to talk about this, I believe that’s the first step to healing. I believe we all have these feelings at points in our lives. I truly admire your courage to write a book and your abilities and creativity. Love your book and decorations, but really truly do like you as a person.
Jamie says
August 8, 2018 at 3:28 pmAww, thanks for sharing that, Tonya! I want to make sure I’m not just a regular website but to share and connect with my lovely readers.
Hugs, Jamie
Debbie says
August 8, 2018 at 1:42 pmHi Jamie,
I don’t know you but I feel that I do. I do suffer from talking negatively to myself. I am my own worst critic. I know if you are like me, no matter how many times you are told you are beautiful, Yada yada, for some reason I can’t make myself believe it. I could write a book about all the negative things that have happened to me since age 5. I do have a beautiful life with family and friends that love me dearly but still those evil demons raise their heads and try to destroy me. I am a Christian and know God loves us no matter what. It’s only by God’s Grace that I am here today. I will keep you in my prayers.
Jamie says
August 8, 2018 at 3:30 pmThanks for sharing, Debbie. It’s so hard to think positively after going through negative struggles at such a young age. I’m so happy that you have a beautiful life with family and friends. Love is the most important thing, right? Let’s try to love ourselves more from now on! I always say I’m my own worst critic too lol. But no more 😉
Hugs, Jamie
Julie says
August 8, 2018 at 1:45 pmGreetings Jamie~ I love what has already been written by your readers and encourage you to read them all again………and again……because they are right…….I love reader Michelle’s comment she saw on a tshirt and plan to post this on my bathroom mirror because we all need that reminder (for those of us who believe in a higher power).. I will pursue the book another reader referenced “What to Say When you Talk to Yourself” because although I am sensitive to how I talk to myself, it was a behavior I saw my mom do repeatedly and would always correct her in stating you’re not stupid, you’re not this or that because my mom was also depressed and did not seek treatment of any kind. And as another reader said, and agree, putting this out there helps you heal and in turn I’m sure the rest of us who might be feeling something as well. Half of healing is recognizing there is a problem so you are already on the right road my friend…….this situation did not happen over night and will not go away over night, and yet you’re taking the steps to go in the right direction of becoming a more stronger, confident woman and in time you will feel/know this believe me…….know too as you change family/friends will see this – some will accept the new you and others may not. Yet know for those who don”t, it’s their problem, not yours…….. xox..
Jamie says
August 8, 2018 at 3:34 pmI love this Julie! Thanks so much for sharing. Depression is so hard to deal with especially from a parent, I’ve experienced this too. And yet look at how strong you were to try to change your mom’s thinking! It’s easier to be negative than positive. I love that T-shirt too and I’ve just ordered that book.
Big hugs,
Jamie
Linda Charlton says
August 8, 2018 at 2:00 pmYou are a truly beautiful woman. Your goodness just shines.As far as weight struggles, that has plagued me my entire life.Women of my generation were values mainly for their looks and body shape. As a Reubenesque woman (teen), I was sort of left out of things involving dates. Consequently, I undervalued myself and sold myself cheaply. I am slowly learning that my value is not based on looks but the person I really am. Don’t waste your life worrying about BS. You are already wonderful.
Jamie says
August 8, 2018 at 3:35 pmThank you, Linda! And thank you for sharing. So glad that we are learning our value together. Life really is too short, right? Let’s love ourselves for who we were and who we are right now.
Big hugs, Jamie
Rebecca M says
August 8, 2018 at 2:36 pmBeing overweight can and does affect you confidence. However, you look really great! I’m currently going to weight watchers and am feeling more confident about myself. Hey, there’s probably going to be something we’re going to be unhappy about but I say, let it go and move on.
I’ve got quite a weight journey ahead of me but I’m looking forward and moving on!
Blessings to you and your family! You are lovely.
Congratulations on your book!
Jamie says
August 8, 2018 at 3:37 pmI agree, Rebecca! And thank you for sharing. I’m trying to be happy with myself right now AND lose a bit of weight. I think the hardest part is loving yourself as you are today. Have you seen that movie, I Feel Pretty? It’s amazing and our weight can be about perspective sometimes. Being healthy and a good size is a good goal, but not everything, right?
Big hugs,
Jamie
Julie says
August 8, 2018 at 4:23 pmHere’s a link for all re the book “What to Say When you Talk to Yourself’………very enlightening and hope we all going forward talk to ourselves in a kind, sensitive, caring way……… hugs
Julie says
August 8, 2018 at 7:55 pmOops! Forgot to attach the link…………https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/think-well/201007/what-say-when-you-talk-yourself
Mary Woeppel says
August 8, 2018 at 9:53 pmJamie it is awesome! As an avid reader of your posts I admire the talent you share in them, but most of all that you are REAL. We all have our own insecurities. Allowing us to hear about others, make us better at coping with our own feelings. Thank you!
Ann says
August 9, 2018 at 2:21 pmI think you look beautiful just the way you are. I’ve struggled with my weight my entire life and finally at 74 I have it under control and am very happy with my body image. I’m not model size but not overweight either. Enjoy you now Jamie.
Jamie says
August 14, 2018 at 11:13 pmThanks for the wonderful advice, Ann. I’m learning to enjoy myself now and stop wasting time 🙂
Hugs, Jamie
Shelly says
August 11, 2018 at 3:55 pmJamie,
When I first started reading your blog I saw your picture and thought you are beautiful! Reading your blog I saw you are beautiful inside as well! I understand the self confidence thing, but now that I am in my mid fifties I have noticed a big change. Last year was the first time I ever went swimming by myself! In fact I love swimming, but never went because of being overweight! I really don’t card what other people think anymore! I only have one life to live, so I now do what I want and do not worry about what others think! That doesn’t mean I don’t try to look my best, I just dance to my own music now. I think it is partly my age, but it is such a great feeling!
I also remember God thinks we are all worthy of happiness!
Blessings
Jamie says
August 14, 2018 at 11:15 pmThanks for this Shelly! It’s such great advice. Thank you for sharing.
Hugs, Jamie
jean l anderson says
August 13, 2018 at 10:32 amI would never, ever, ever have thought you would have love self esteem. I look at you and think Wow she’s way too cute, smart and accomplished to not love herself. I’m just like you (except for the cute, smart, accomplished part LOL) and it is SO EXHAUSTING to be Up all the time. I feel the same way, I push myself and never feel like it’s good enough. You should get a link for that book from Amazon because I’m buying it! I learned to use positive self talk when my inner voice would start beating me up. It feels silly to say those things to yourself at first, but our minds are such wonderful silly things. I paint for “fun” and even started teaching watercolor. I have hated everything I’ve ever done until this year. The flaws are so much easier to see. Even if you don’t believe it on some level, you will believe on some other level, if that makes sense. I love your blog and you are talented, beautiful and very nice to reveal something so personal. Keep up the good work.
Jamie says
August 14, 2018 at 11:24 pmThank you for this, Jean. It IS so exhausting! I love that you paint too, it’s so good to do something with your hands. And I know what you mean about believing it on some level, that’s totally me.
Thank you again for your sweet message.
Hugs, Jamie
michelle glowala says
May 1, 2019 at 5:44 pmLove yourself. We are all on a journey, this journey called life and it goes by so quickly. Take care of you and your tribe. Try not to give away all of yourself, your energy and your love. Start with self-love. There is nothing wrong with you. You are a sum of your life experiences. All we have is NOW.
Jamie says
May 10, 2019 at 9:17 pmThanks for your sweet comment, Michelle. It’s so true, we are all a sum of our life experiences. Have a great weekend!
Hugs, Jamie