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My Shocking Past

Life Series

My Shocking Past

Today I thought Id’ share with you another personal post. I recently opened up and shared with you about how I was adopted.

There’s so much in my life that I’m sure no one would ever guess, not even some of my friends.

Which may sound odd but my past is my past and I don’t usually bring it up with anyone.

So what is so shocking?

Well, where do I begin.

And I have to say, this is a huge thing for me to open up about. Like I said, a lot of friends of mine don’t even know about this but I feel like if I have this crazy past life, then maybe someone else does too. Maybe I can help or relate to someone else out there.

So here goes nothing…..

My shocking past

School Years

Throughout all my years of school, I had an easy time making friends and loved school. I loved everything about it!

My shocking past

My sister was opposite and didn’t make friends as easily and my mom felt bad about this. They were also quite shy.

My shocking past

As soon as high school came around, I knew it was going to be difficult. I was invited to go out a lot but the answer was always no. I had to beg to go out. Most times it didn’t work.  I remember friends coming up the long driveway to my farm and ringing the doorbell. I was always embarrassed. I wanted to go out so badly but couldn’t but I also didn’t want to invite them in.

My shocking past

So I would stay home with a family that rarely talked or socialized and my dad was hardly around.

Problems at home became very hard for me to handle. My family had many problems. I took care of them at times: making dinner, feeding our animals, cleaning, doing laundry and at times mowing the lawn. Not all the time but more than I wanted to. I just felt like I needed to. 

My shocking past

At times I felt like Cinderella. I felt like the parent. I also felt like I had no direction. No one asked what I wanted to be when I grow up. I had dreams but felt like they couldn’t be achieved. I felt all alone.

My shocking past

So what was I to do? I think most kids in this same situation would most likely rebel and act out. But I never did. I was always too worried about upsetting my mom and making her problems worse.
My shocking past

But I needed to do something to have a life. I felt completely stifled.

My shocking past

Okay, I’m getting to the shocking part…

One day my mom told me more about how her mother used to take her to church and also to a yearly special event at her church. She asked me to go with her and there I noticed kids from school. At school they would invite me to hang out with them and my mom was more than happy to let me go with them. She felt comfortable letting me hang out with these kids. I couldn’t believe it. I decided to look more into it.

What was this church she took me to? Kingdom Hall of Jehovah’s Witnesses!

(you’re honoured to be witnessing this photo of me in my grunge stage complete with army boots)

My shocking past

I started to read their literature and go to their meetings and see these new friends more. My mother used to go with me in the beginning and then after awhile she didn’t go. It was hard for her to get out. I was allowed to go out and do stuff where I otherwise would not be allowed to leave my home.

Actually, I really liked it at first. Their lives seemed so perfect! Whole families were going to these meetings all together. The dads were supportive and talked to their kids, moms did mom things like entertain and have people over. It was like Pleasantville. At the same time, my dad did NOT like me going. He didn’t like anything about that religion (and now I can see why) but at the time I was very angry with my dad and I think that played into it.

I talked before about battling perfectionism which is hard for anyone to go through but this religion just puts you under a microscope. The standards of perfection are just too high to attain.

Also, some of the first information they give you comes with a lot of pressure and guilt. They tell you that now that you know this information, if you don’t conform to their ways you will die. You will not be saved. And you have to tell others about it or they won’t be saved either.

That is a LOT of pressure to put on a teenager who is battling perfectionism, dealing with family problems and is a people pleaser.

What an awful, fear based way of teaching! So many innocent, naive people out there are being swayed into something that they don’t need to be.

I struggled in this religion for the remainder of my high school years into my 20s. I stayed because I was drawn in to the ‘perfect’ families and the ‘good’ friends.

Ex Jehovah's Witness / My shocking past

I met my future husband in this religion. JWs don’t believe in sex before marriage so we got married young like everyone else did. I had all the skills of being an awesome wife since I was doing a lot of the cooking, cleaning, and laundry at home so I thought I might as well start my own life and escape my family.

So when my boyfriend proposed to me, I was still in high school (grade 11). I remember the day we had to tell my dad like it was yesterday. My father was watching sports on TV and when I went in the room with my mom and fiance all I did was show him my ring. He never said a word and went back watching TV.

I don’t remember my mother saying anything either. No one talked me out of it. No one ever said, ‘hey, maybe you should do something different with your life, let’s sit down and figure this out!’  But all I kept thinking was this was my way out. I couldn’t see any other way.

So if you can believe this, I got married when I was 18 while my friends were having fun in their senior year going to their prom.

That September when I should have been starting my grade 12 year of high school, I was planning my upcoming nuptials for the following year. I decided to not go to high school my grade 12 year and do my last year through correspondence. I took the required classes and finished grade 12 in four months. The rest of the time I was planning my wedding and planning out my life and of course attending all the meetings.

Technically, I didn’t have to leave high school but I think I was too embarrassed to be engaged in my senior year and not be able to join in in all the fun. That right there should have been a red flag to me.

Ex Jehovah's Witness / My shocking past

I remember my mom calling one day saying that a boy from school called asking me to go to prom with him. Oh my god! I forgot I promised someone I’d go to prom! I just figured that since I wasn’t in school that he’d forget.

(Carter, if you ever read this,  I’m extremely sorry. I SO wish I had gone to prom with you!!!)

 I think back and just shake my head. This was a pretty typical life for a Jehovah’s Witness so it just seemed like the norm at the time. But I don’t blame anyone, really. It was my decision.

But I know all things happen for a reason. All the paths you take in life get you to where you are today. At least I can say that I spent my time reading the Bible cover to cover instead of getting into drugs although I know I would never have done that anyway.

I wouldn’t change any piece of my life now. My puzzle feels complete.

Because of my family problems, I didn’t talk to my family for years. But you can click the image below to find out how I reconnected with them again.

How I reconnected with my family after 8 years

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Comments

  1. What a brave person you are! Life has a way of leaving its mark on us. God had a plan for you and if you have read the Bible you know a lot more about his love and plans for us. People can make you feel bad about yourself but you have grown out of that phase and seemed to be really happy. Keep up the good work…..Rebecca

    Reply

      • Jamie I am so glad you are happy now, I have had the JWs coming constantly to my house, I think I am on their ” list”. They seem very kind,but miss guided. I am LDS and am very happy with my religion I think they want to SCORE with me changing I love your blog and honesty, and all your creations, I just found you, and look forward to more stories and projects! Judy

        Reply

        • Thanks so much, Judy! You are totally on their list, haha. They keep track of who shows just the slightest bit of interest and will keep going back so if you don’t want them to come back just 1) don’t answer your door or 2) tell them to stop coming. They have to stop if you tell them 😉
          Hugs,
          Jamie

          Reply

  2. I think you are so very brave to share your story with us, and I also know what it is like to marry young to get away, not the right choice for me certainly. 🙂 I love the very first picture, I had the same background in one of my pictures when i was little and I think my hair was in pony tails also. I should dig it out and see if we are picture twins. 🙂

    Reply

  3. Dear Jamie,
    I so look forward to hearing the next chapter of your story. Please continue to share. Your blog is delightful and I love how the Lord is using you to bless others. Hope you had a wonderful Mother’s Day!

    Reply

  5. If only others had known and could have intervened. Living in such seclusion must have hid a world of secrets. Know now that you are LOVED by all your aunts and uncles and cousins and we all wish you the best and wish we could have guided you in your time of need. (I wish I was your older cousin not your younger one!) I love you darling!

    Reply

    • Omg you’re the sweetest, Jenn! I know, I wish we were closer growing up and of course no one knew anything. But we’re changing that now. Still need to get together with you soon.
      Big hugs & luv you too
      Jamie

      Reply

  7. WOW you are incredibly brave and strong. Everyone has a past and we can either learn and grow from it or let it consume us and blame it for all our problems. Like our mistakes we need them to learn and grow! You are just awesome! Some of my husbands family is JW so I have some indication of what that all entails – they did try to recruit us and tell us that we’d die and go to hell if we didn’t see the truth. I was raised Southern Baptist and though I have strayed over the years I think as long as you have a belief and try to do good in this life and lead by example you are doing what Jesus did all those years ago. He preached to the poor and destitute not the rich. If he were alive today I think he’d be feeding the poor and homeless in soup kitchens and still preaching peace and love of one another. Again, thanks for sharing! You are not only strong but incredibly brave.

    Reply

    • I agree, Victoria. I don’t know where JWs get all their beliefs from since they preach about Jesus and the entire Bible! Thank you for your sweet comment and sharing with me.
      Big hugs,
      Jamie

      Reply

  8. Jamie, again, you are so brave for opening up. 🙂

    I know a couple of people who I was close to who formerly had this religion in their life.. completely isolated from everyone, and then when they made the decision to leave their extended families acted as though they were dead. They would only speak to them once every few years to tell them they “missed them” – even though they were fully alive & lived a short distance away. To each their own, but to the people I love the religion caused them a LOT of pain and heartache. I’m so sorry to hear this was also the case for you. <3

    Reply

    • Thanks Brandi for your message. It’s heartbreaking, isn’t it? When I left I had zero friends, except one co-worker. It’s unbelievable how they can cut off their family and friends like that but it happens all the time. That’s what makes people stay in that religion. I know people that are still in it for that one reason, they don’t want to be outcast or be alone or start over again. But it’s not as scary as staying in that religion forever. Your friends are very brave.
      Big hugs,
      Jamie

      Reply

  9. Jamie,

    I am glad I had the opportunity to work with you when we were younger and yes I do remember the shyness of your family and how totally opposite you were to them. I had a close relative who got pulled into the JW route and luckily he decided enough was enough. It was all brainwashing! We all have a past wether bad or good and either way its a learning curve in our lives and yours led you on the right path. Glad you shared.

    Kirsten

    Reply

    • Kirsten, I totally didn’t think you had met my family but that’s right, we worked together in gr. 8. That was fun 😉 Actually a lot of fun since so many classmates worked there. And cooking class was fun too.

      I can say now that it was brainwashing! And I was easily swayed. I’m so glad your relative is out too. I got out when I was around 25 so thank goodness I was still young. Everything in our life makes us who we are today. Thanks for your sweet comment. Maybe I’ll get enough courage to go to our 20 yr high school reunion 😉

      Big hugs,
      Jamie

      Reply

  10. Minus the getting married part… i may have been one of the few non jw’s that you shared all of this with when we were teens … I still loved and admired you and to this day I still do .. very much so 🙂 You’re a strong beautiful woman with a gorgeous family ♥

    Reply

    • Mon!! Yes, you were the ONLY person aside from JWs that I talked to about it. I wanted to convert you so you wouldn’t DIE! Geez, why didn’t you listen to me?? LOL Your message brought tears to my eyes!! I loved our friendship, such a true friendship. I used to walk to your house every day on my way to school and we would try to navigate the cow fields to school and hope to god the bull wasn’t in the field!! I’ll never forget that. And for your friendship.
      Love you always,
      J.xo

      Reply

  11. Oh Jamie! Thank you for sharing this. You are right, there was a lot we didn’t know back then. It’s really brave of you to share it. And I remember a few of these years where our lives overlapped very clearly. And, I can totally relate!

    I’m not sure if you ever read my story, but here it is in case it makes you feel less alone. I admire you for realizing earlier than I did:

    http://www.believermag.com/issues/201302/?read=article_scorah

    Reply

    • Thanks so much, Amber! Your support means the world to me. Thank you for sharing your story. You are an amazing writer! Everyone dealing with this same situation should read your article. I don’t regret all the wonderful friends I met like you from that religion.
      J.xoxo

      Reply

  12. Wow, Jamie. That’s quite the story. I don’t blame you for a second for clinging to a religion that you believed was giving you freedom. And getting married in your senior year of school? I think of myself in my senior year of high school and I was a hot mess of emotions, and indecision and terrible ideas. I would have married the wrong person; that’s for sure.

    It’s great that you can look back and while you regret that time, you wouldn’t change it. You’re a wonderful person, and those years did help to create your personality. It’s important that you’re sharing these stories; I’m sure that they resonate with many people.

    Reply

  13. You are amazing. And strong. So strong. I don’t think I could have ever shared as much as you just did. You are an awesome inspiration, dear!

    Reply

  14. You are amazingly brave for posting this on your blog Jamie. I am very happy that you have found not only happiness in your life but also your voice, and the courage to let it be heard. I too know the disappointment, fear, confusion and scars that come from a messed up upbringing. If there’s ones thing I have learned its that more often than not we do what we know. What I knew was fear, anger and abandonment. By 14 I was living on my own and had followed the lessons that I had learned by burying those emotions with alcohol. I lied continually to myself about who I truly was, how I truly felt and it wasn’t until 2 years ago, when I had lost almost all I had cared for, that I woke up and let everything go. I still have many regrets but the difference now is that I no longer fear them. I am not a slave to my parents hopes, dreams, fears or baggage anymore. I am glad that you too found yourself. You have a beautiful family, are doing what you love and are sharing your talents with the world. And Jennifer is right, all of your cousins do love you and wish the best for you.

    Reply

    • Andrew, we as cousins should have banded together when we were growing up!!! I had no idea what you went through either. I mean, I only knew half the stuff that happened to grandpa at his funeral. That’s just sad. Thank you so much for opening up to me. It only helps us and others when we share our stories. Your message made me cry (in a good cry way 😉
      Luv ya 😉
      J.xoxo

      Reply

  15. You are an inspiration to every young woman and your “happily ever after” became a reality! Good for you.

    Reply

  16. I did know your story Jamie, but this is very brave to write it down and open yourself up to all. The courage you have is incredible, your children are very lucky to have you as a mother. Jill

    Reply

  17. Love you cousin. What an incredible story. I had an idea of what you went through growing up. Our families would see each other frequently but I never new the severity of your life experience. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. Love to catch up again someday..

    Reply

  18. Jamie thank you for sharing your story! I was adopted at a young age too and found I had an issue with perfectionism as well. I think it comes from wanting to compensate for being adopted and being different and needing to be the best at everything I could. I wish more people would share their stories because it allows others to be stronger and more courageous in whatever they’re going through. Thanks again!!
    Leelee @ paperbagstyling

    Reply

    • Thanks for your sweet comment, Leelee. You’re absolutely right. We compensate for so many differences and we strive for perfection. It took me years to figure that out. I agree, we need to share our stories to strengthen one another.
      Big hugs to you,
      Jamie

      Reply

  19. Thanks for your honestly and sharing your life with us. I am not adopted but I remember asking my Mom if I was because I just didn’t fit into their ideal child. Children should be seen and not heard. A problem with my children too as they were outgoing and fun, and crazy like their Mom! I learned to forgive them in middle life and it allowed me to enjoy life more, my children and grandchildren and most of all my relationship with the Lord.

    Reply

    • Being different is hard whether you are adopted or not. So glad you had children just like you, what a blessing. Thanks for your sweet comment.
      Hugs,
      Jamie

      Reply

  20. Girl, you could have written my story, but insert Mormonism instead of JW. I also finished HS but got married 5 months after graduation (at 18 years old). Seriously, your story was chillingly like mine except I wasn’t adopted. I also grew up Mormon from birth but the details of isolation are the same.
    Thanks for sharing your story. I know Mormonism is a lot more accepted and mainstream but IMO it is very similar to JW. My husband and I are still married (and happy!) but we left Mormonism more than 5 years ago. I have NEVER shared this on my blog and most likely never will. Honestly, I kind of fear a public blog shaming because so many bloggers are LDS. I just wanted you to know that you are NOT alone.

    Reply

    • I’m honoured for you comment, Allison! You’re right, I think mormonism is very similar but more accepted. A lot of bloggers are LDS so that would definitely be difficult to share but it’s still your story. I’m sure there are others in your same situation too. Thanks for your sweet comment.
      Big hugs to you,
      Jamie

      Reply

  21. How strong to tell such a hard story and open yourself up to us. I hope that even though you are no longer with the JW, you have found your peace. Spirituality is in life, it does not have to be in a church or group. It is living with being nice to others, showing a good example, finding a reason for a situation that you may never have thought of. A year after my mother died, my father was mad at me and thought it would be a good time to tell me that I may not be his child, he thought my mother had an affair. This knowledge that he bestowed upon me was malicious and hurtful. It did not bring me any comfort for the man who may be my father had passed away many years ago. I have had a hard life in my twenty’s, yet I really do not regret many of the decisions I have made, they are what shaped me into the person whom I have become, I like that person. I hope that you too have come to like yourself no matter what choices you have made. In the end, we have only ourselves to answer to. Alaina

    Reply

    • Thanks for your comment, Alaina. It seems like we all go through difficulties and it just helps everyone when we share our stories!! It’s taken quite awhile but I’m now very happy with life and myself.
      Hugs,
      Jamie

      Reply

  22. Jamie, girl: just having met you and seen the vibrant, joyous person you are today, it is evident that a lot of healing has taken place in your life from the pain and struggle in your childhood; however, I know the scars can run deep…and I have no doubt that the leap you took in writing and publishing this post will only further that healing process. Oh, I wish I could hug you right now. And talk with you over tea for hours into the night, sharing stores…crying…laughing…shaking our heads in disbelief at all the bumps in the road of life that have brought us to where we are. As a fellow perfectionist, I can definitely relate to that yearning for perfection (unattainable though it is), and there were definitely hurdles in my own teenage years (where I rebelled from my parents) that took some significant time for me to recover from. But like you, I have embraced the philosophy of “no changes.” Even if I COULD go back and change things, I wouldn’t. As rough as times have been, they’ve made us who we are. I am so proud of you for shedding light on a story on some of the dark corners of your life because (as evidenced in the comments above) you really are empowering us to shed light on our own dark corners, too. You’re an inspiration to me, Jamie! A living success story of someone who didn’t let adversity get her down; someone who broke the cycle of silence, apathy, and secrecy. Looking forward to hearing the next installment of your life story when you’re ready to share it! Love you, girl!

    Reply

    • You’re so sweet, Lauren! Yes, going through all these hard times in our lives just makes us stronger and who we are. I’m so glad we’re friends and can’t wait to see you again this summer! Thanks so much for your ongoing support 😉
      Big Hugs,
      Jamie

      Reply

  24. Jamie, you are so brave, and so strong. I can’t even imagine some of the crazy things you have been through, and been told! But you are so courageous to share them, and to give a voice to those who are too shy, scared or intimidated to speak up and speak out. Love ya!! <3

    Reply

  25. Thanks for sharing your story, it helps me fill in the blanks. Love you, wish I could have been there for you. Funnily enough it sounds so much like my childhood.

    Reply

  27. Hey Jamie, just stumbled on your site again whilst sitting in my usual comfy spot on the couch after I put N to bed. Thanks for being so brave and sharing your inspiring story and humanity. It’s nice to be reminded that there are ‘real’ people in our community. Your honesty and sincerity is much appreciated. I wasn’t adopted but was raised hard core Pentecostal and our family went though its own form of crazy. I always love hearing what has shaped people and made them who they are today. Love that you are doing what you want with your life and what makes you happy: )

    Reply

    • Thanks Sandra! That’s so sweet of you. I appreciate your message 😉 I think we should definitely get together for coffee one afternoon and compare crazy stories.
      Big hugs friend,
      Jamie

      Reply

  30. Thank you so much for sharing :o) We all have a past – it’s how we learn from it and move forward that makes all the difference, I moved out and got married when I was 19 to get away from my mother – and we divorced four years later. I remarried and had two great kids – a son and a daughter. It has been my mission to raise two, strong independent kids that don’t rely upon anyone, get their education (I am just now working on getting my degree, along side them) and do what THEY want to do in life. I guess I’m ashamed and don’t tell very many people about my first marriage but it is definitely a part of who I am today – just like your past is a part of who you are. I, too, am looking forward to hearing about the next chapter of your life :o)))

    Reply

    • I felt ashamed for so long and then I thought why? It’s a part of your life that makes you who you are. It took me so long to figure that out 😉 Thanks for your sharing you story with me.
      Hugs,
      Jamie

      Reply

  31. Jamie,
    I had a former colleague who was JW. I look back now and see that her constant anxiety was due to her striving for perfectionism. It is my understanding that JWs don’t believe Jesus is the Son of the living God. He paid our sin debt and we can truly live in freedom from the bondage of perfectionism … because Jesus was the perfect lamb. Thank you for sharing your heart and life. Blessings.

    Rita

    Reply

    • Thanks for your comment, Rita. You know what, JWs DO believe that. That’s what is so weird. They preach door to door about how Jesus died for our sins so I don’t know why the standards are so high for imperfect humans. It really makes no sense. Thanks so much for sharing 😉
      Hugs,
      Jamie

      Reply

  32. Jamie, I was just reading some of the posts I missed from you over the past several weeks and came across this one. I think I speak for alot of us when I say that I would love to hear more about your story and where your heart is now. It’s so crazy so see how far you’ve come and all the amazing things you’re doing now!

    Reply

    • Thanks so much, Jillian! I would love to share more of my story in the near future. It’s really hard to do but I feel like it’s helped others (as well as myself)
      Big hugs, Jamie

      Reply

  33. Jamie,
    I just stumbled across your blog yesterday. I love reading blogs especially the “about” section. Needless to say when I was reading about your past I was astounded. I can completely relate to your JW experience, as I too, left after having been raised in it. I agree that it is one of my biggest regrets in life-spending so much time in that religion. It is so refreshing when someone can be brave enough to sincerely open up about their JW past because I think so many of us keep it a secret due to possibly being judged. I’m looking forward to reading all of your blog article and enjoying your photos. Thanks again!!
    Melodey

    Reply

    • Melodey,
      Thank you so much for your comment! It’s so nice to meet other ex-JWs. There’s so much shame associated with it and secrecy. Email me if you ever want to chat.
      Big hugs, Jamie

      Reply

  34. Jamie, I don’t know how I ever missed this post, but I admire your honesty and your strength through everything. I don’t think I’ve ever really encountered a JW (that I know of), but along similar lines, I live in the Bible Belt of the South, where there are Christians and then there are “Christians”. I hope you know what I’m saying in the differences with those quotes there. God has a way of putting us in negative situations and placing negative people in our lives because He wants us to learn from it. And I actually JUST had this thought yesterday that if we didn’t experience bad times and sometimes hit rock bottom, we can never really appreciate the good times and the moments that are the most worthwhile. A lot of times, God uses the times in our lives when we feel like all hope is lost to prove how great He is and that anything is possible in faith. Keep pushing on, sister, and never look back. 🙂 You sharing your talents and positive outlook touch more people than I’m sure you know.

    Reply

    • Thanks Lauren. I know exactly what you are saying. There are so many different religions that take things out of context. I so appreciate your words of encouragement. Thank you for reaching out. You’re such a sweet soul.
      big hugs, Jamie

      Reply

  35. Enjoyed learning about your childhood. Would be interested to hear if you have relationship with sister and parents now.

    Reply

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