I’ve wanted to write this post for a long time and sometimes writing personal posts makes me hold back. Exposing yourself is always risky but my goal is to always inspire and encourage so if I’m feeling a certain way, there’s got to be at least one other person out there that feels the same way and can relate, right? So here goes…
I’ve struggled with feelings of low self-esteem for years and feeling not good enough. I’m sure it stems from a lot of things from my past. But you’d think these were thoughts from a 13-year-old. Nope, they are real struggles from a 40-something grown woman.
There is and has been really only one thing that has been holding me back. Can you guess what that is?
The comparison game is especially hard in the blogging world. For the last year I kept thinking that my pageviews aren’t where they should be, I don’t get the sponsored posts that I like and I internalize that to think that it’s because of me.
I’ve done this a lot in my personal life too. I let others dictate how I should think and feel. If I fought against them, I would think deep down that maybe I was ‘wrong’ and they were ‘right’ in how I should be feeling. This was so detrimental. Everyone has a right to their opinion and especially their feelings. Luckily, I’ve broken free of this thought pattern but sometimes it’s still difficult.
My blog has been a complete reflection of my life sometimes. It’s like ME under a microscope.
For example, every year I go the Haven Conference and just came back from the 2017 conference the other week. It’s awesome and I love going each year! We learn new tips and take tons of classes on the best way to get ahead with your blog. Some of it is new but a lot of it is just new updates on the stuff I knew about when I started my blog five years ago. My point is that I know what to do on my blog to make it grow but I get down when it doesn’t seem to be growing to where I want it to. My blog is my creative outlet but it is also my job and how I make money (or try to make money at).
Okay, so here is the problem I always face:
I have an ongoing voice in my head that says ‘you can’t’.
I think at this point I have to stop trying to figure out the why because that’s what has had me stuck for so long. What I need to do is just say I CAN.
Because why not?!
The one thing that has been holding me back?
There are great things happening right now and I need to take time to let that sink in a bit.
I’m in this recent magazine, Country Sampler – Living Simply.
I almost just brushed that off like it was nothing or it wasn’t that great.
But it is great!
I have two features in this magazine.
They are old posts where the photos weren’t even that great, people!
(this dresser was on it’s way to the dump!)
They even got my name write! lol
(These posts are from so long ago, they make me cringe)
And you also know that I’m writing a book, right? A BOOK!
At first I’m like this has got to be a mistake. Did I dream about that email that was sent to me? I still question it every day. Some days I’m working along on it and then freak out (in my mind) that maybe they’ve changed their mind and don’t want to publish me anymore.
Or maybe they’re going to find out I’m not really talented.
Or I don’t have what it takes.
Okay, who cares about the why, right?
The answer is ME!
I’m in my head too much and obviously if they think I’m good enough to write a book then I actually am good enough to write a book.
But here’s the thing that was really mind blowing to me:
Why should I let them dictate that I was good enough to write a book?
I should know that I can write a book and it was about time someone contacted me!
Whether good or bad, I shouldn’t let anyone dictate how I feel about myself.
It’s actually been a huge stepping stone for me. I got a book contract despite my pageviews and all the other metrics I measure myself against.
And I got a book despite ME.
I got a book deal because my photography is amazing and I am talented.
(Do you know how hard it is for me to type that last line??)
I’ve listened to the naysayers in my past life for far too long and I’ve given them my power.
I listened to them laugh at me about my blog. “It must be nice to just paint a few projects all day.”
What people don’t realize is that I’ve poured my heart, soul, blood, sweat and tears into this website of mine and the hours are endless. I made something out of nothing. Some days I’m working until 1 am and work on it every spare minute of the day.
And it’s still not where I want it to be! There is a ton of stuff that still needs to be done.
At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter what anyone thinks!!
The only thing that matters is what you think and that you do your absolute best.
I hope you learn from my mistakes and don’t let anyone dull your sparkle or let them hold you back.
I’d love to hear your story too so please comment or email me!